The Other Susan
by Susan Ivanova
Summary: Can Marcus find love again after failing to save Ivanova?
1.

The Other Susan  
By Capt. Ivanova  
  
  
Disclaimers: B5 is not mine. This storyline was inspired by events on the show. No copyright infringement of any kind is intended. This is just for fun. This story is not to be republished, retransmitted, etc. without express consent of the author. Which is ME!   
  
Warning: If you did not see the first 4 seasons of Babylon 5, then do NOT read this story. Please direct all feedback to Capt_Ivanova@yahoo.com  
  
  
  
It had been six months since Susan Ivanova died. Six long and lonely months since she had left Marcus alone. Some days were better than others were; but not a day went by without thinking about her, or talking to her from his heart. He missed her so terribly and still blamed himself for not getting her back to Babylon 5 in time. Marcus hated walking through his life without her.   
  
Right after Susan died, Marcus went back to his duties. Doing undercover Ranger surveillance, helping to establish security within the new Alliance, basically anything Delenn had asked him to do. Anything that would keep his mind off of Susan and how he had failed her.....  
  
Marcus Cole had just returned from an undercover mission to the Drazi homeworld. His shuttle was delayed and he was dirty and tired. He was looking forward to taking a nice long hot shower and catching some sleep. Any hope he had of doing just that had been shot down when he saw Delenn pacing the docking area waiting for him.   
  
When Delenn had spotted Marcus she walked up to him and said, "Marcus. Welcome back. How was your trip?"  
  
He bowed and said respectfully, "Entil'Zha. It went very well. I hesitate to go into the full details here in public, but you will find my report very interesting. I will say though, that our suspicions have been confirmed."  
  
"I was afraid of that," Delenn replied.   
  
"A full report and debriefing will be ready for you first thing in the morning."  
  
The started walking in silence, down the corridors that would eventually lead them to Marcus' quarters.  
  
"You want to ask me something," Marcus said, smiling slightly.  
  
Delenn smiled back at him. "Yes. I have an assignment that I'd like to ask you about."  
  
"Well then - ask away."  
  
"Marcus, I know that you have just returned from a mission and you may not want to jump into something right away, but we .... I ... would really appreciate it if you would undertake this assignment," Delenn started hesitantly.  
  
Finally arriving at Marcus' quarters Marcus asked, "Would you like to come in?"  
  
"Yes Marcus, thank you."  
  
"Please continue on," Marcus said.  
  
"Well as I was saying, I would like you to do something for me."  
  
Marcus gestured for her to make herself comfortable. As Delenn sat on the couch, she noticed a picture of Susan Ivanova framed and placed on the coffee table.  
  
Continuing on Delenn said, "We have been in contact with a scientist that can help us with the Drakh threat. She will be coming to Babylon 5 under complete secrecy. Once she is here, she will need someone to guard her and to show her around the station."  
  
Marcus sat down next to her. "That's all? You want me to be a bodyguard and a tour guide?"  
  
"Dr. Barry was a top scientist in EarthGov until she went underground once Clark took office. She has studied the Shadows and Drakh extensively and is considered an expert on the subject. Even though Clark is no longer in control, she still fears that she will be a target for a Pro-Clark movement."  
  
"Delenn, I guarded Dr. Kirkish when she came to Babylon 5 two years ago. Why would you think that I would object to doing it again?"  
  
Delenn looked at him. "It's more than that Marcus. We want Dr. Barry to join our Alliance, to become part of our team. The knowledge she has is invaluable. If she agrees, she'll be living on the station permanently."  
  
"I still don't understand why you were hesitant about asking me," Marcus said.  
  
Taking on a softer tone Delenn said, "I wanted to make sure that you were okay."  
  
The realization of the meaning behind her words hit Marcus. "You wanted to make sure that I was okay because of what happened to Susan."   
  
"Yes."  
  
He looked away from her and got up from the couch. "Delenn I can never forgive myself for letting her down; for not telling her how much I loved her - how much I cherished her. I won't lie to you - I think about her everyday and I wish that I could change the past, but I can't," Marcus paused before continuing on. "I realize that I have to continue where she left off. There is still work for me to do here."  
  
Delenn walked up to Marcus and placed a hand on his shoulder. "I know it's hard for you Marcus. Just remember we are all here to help you through this."  
  
Marcus turned around to face her. "I know Delenn and I thank you. So you need not worry, Dr. Barry will be safe with me."  
  
Delenn smiled. "She will be arriving the day after tomorrow on the first transport. I'd like you to be there when John and I meet her."  
  
"Then I will be there."  
  
"Thank you Marcus. I think I should be going now. John must be wondering where I have run off to," she said as she headed towards the door.  
  
"Good night Entil'Zha"  
  
"Good night Marcus."  
  
After taking a nice long, hot shower, Marcus flopped down on the couch. Lying on his side, he brought the picture of Susan closer. Softly he traced the outline of her smiling face. If he closed his eyes, he could almost pretend that she was here and that he was gently touching her. Almost ....   
  
Marcus brought the picture to his lips and tenderly placed a kiss on it. "Good night my love. I'll see you soon, in a place where no shadows fall. Wait for me."  
  
Two days had passed and Marcus found himself waiting with John and Delenn for Dr. Barry's transport to arrive.   
  
When the announcement was finally made, John and Delenn gathered just outside the docking bay to make sure that they didn't miss her. Marcus stayed towards the back, since he had no idea what Dr. Barry looked like. He'd wait to be introduced.  
  
When Delenn and President Sheridan found her and waved for Marcus to come over, he was surprised. For some reason he was expecting to see an older person. Instead the woman he found standing before him looked to him to be about 30 years old. She had beautiful shoulder length blonde hair, stood about 5'6", hazel eyes and had the loveliest smile he had ever seen.   
  
**Loveliest smile? Where did that come from? Get a grip Cole,** he said to himself. He wasn't sure how someone so young could know so much about the Shadows, but if John and Delenn trusted her, he would as well. He'd at least give her the benefit of the doubt.  
  
"Dr. Barry, I'd like you to meet your bodyguard, Ranger Marcus Cole," John said.  
  
She extended her hand and said, "It's a pleasure to meet you Mr. Cole."  
  
Marcus extended his hand as well, "And it's a pleasure to meet you Dr. Barry. Please, call me Marcus. Everyone else does." He smiled at her.  
  
She smiled back at him. "Okay. I'll call you Marcus and you can call me Susan......"  
  
  
End Part 1 


	2. 

Upon hearing the doctor's name, Marcus went pale and his smile faded away; he could feel the blood draining from his face as he stammered to say something in response. But was just left standing there with his mouth open with no words coming out.  
  
Delenn, realizing that Marcus was having a reaction to the name said, "Welcome to Babylon 5 ... Susan. I'm sure you'd like to get settled in your quarters. We'll walk with you. Your bags will be along shortly."  
  
"If there is anything you need, please don't hesitate to let us know," John said.  
  
"Thank you Mr. President, but I'm sure everything will be fine. I'm looking forward to working here and with the Alliance. I'm just glad that I could be of help."  
  
Just as they had left the docking area, Zack interrupted them. "Excuse me, Mr. President."  
  
Everyone stopped. "Yes Zack, what is it?"  
  
"There's a problem with Dr. Barry's quarters."  
  
"What kind of problem?"  
  
"Well," Zack began hesitantly. "they lost her reservation and have no other quarters available until next week."  
  
"No quarters left anywhere?"  
  
"Only in brown sector, sir. I was sure that you didn't want to put the Doctor there."  
  
"You thought correctly. Make sure that she has the FIRST one that opens up. Am I understood Mr. Allen?"  
  
"Loud and clear Mr. President," Zack said, as he turned and hurried away.  
  
Sheridan drew in a deep breath, "Well, looks like there's been a little mishap with your quarters. We'll have to find you an alternate place to stay."  
  
"Please, don't go to any trouble. I'm sure the ones in brown sector can't be that bad," Susan said.  
  
Sheridan smiled. "Trust me, they are that bad."  
  
Delenn spoke up. "Marcus, would it be alright if the Doctor stayed with you until other arrangements could be made?"  
  
"I think that's a wonderful idea Delenn," John started. "Marcus is her bodyguard anyway. "  
  
When Marcus showed no response Delenn asked, "Marcus? It's okay isn't it?"  
  
Marcus broke out of the trance he was in. Could she stay? Should she stay? Marcus wasn't sure this was a good idea, but she was too nice a person for him to let her stay in brown sector. But more importantly, she was far to valuable to the Alliance.  
  
So he replied, "Of course. You are more than welcome to stay with me Doctor."  
  
Susan smiled. "Thank you Marcus. I appreciate it."  
=  
John and Delenn had left them to walk the last few corridors by themselves. When they arrived at Marcus' quarters, he punched in his password and invited Susan in.  
  
"Please, make yourself at home."  
  
Susan walked over to the couch and sat down. Relaxing into the soft cushions, she sighed. "Ohhh... this is heavenly compared to those transport seats. I never could sleep in them."  
  
Marcus had walked over to the kitchen area. "Same here. Too cramped."  
  
"So what's on my agenda for today?" Susan asked.  
  
Marcus shrugged. "Anything you want. Have you eaten yet?"  
  
Susan let out a small laugh. "Eat transport food? You forget that I'm a doctor. I could break it all down and tell you EXACTLY what that food is made of."  
  
Marcus smiled. "You sound just like Stephen."  
  
"Dr. Stephen Franklin? I can't wait to meet him. I've been following his work closely and I'm very anxious to discuss some of my theories with him." Susan stifled a yawn.  
  
"Tired, eh?"  
  
"Just a little. Would you mind if I crashed for an hour or two? Then maybe you could take me on a tour of the station?"  
  
"Go right ahead. The bedroom is right through there. Feel free to ..."  
  
Susan interrupted him. "Oh no. I'm not going to kick you out of your own bedroom. I'm perfectly happy on the couch." She reached down and slid off her shoes, then laid down on the couch. From that vantagepoint, she could see a picture of a beautiful woman with long, brown hair that was framed and placed on the coffee table. She reached out and brought it closer.  
  
"This is a beautiful picture. Is this your girlfriend or your wife?" Susan asked.  
  
Marcus walked over and took the picture from her. "No, no," he said sadly. "She's a friend." He walked into the bedroom and placed the picture on the dresser. By the time he had walked back into the living room, Susan had fallen asleep. Marcus grabbed a blanket from the chair and placed it gently over her.  
  
Walking back into the kitchen area, Marcus sat down at the table to finish a report that was due tomorrow. But his mind wasn't on work.  
  
He was embarrassed that he had hesitated earlier at the docking bay. When Dr. Barry told him to use her first name, and her first name just happened to be Susan ... well, he didn't know what to say. He couldn't just stand there and say, *I can't call you that. You see that was HER name. And I can't ever say that name again without thinking of her.* For heaven's sake it was just a name ... wasn't it? Other people were entitled to have that name too. After all, it wasn't Dr. Barry's fault that she shared the same name with the person he loved. If she was to become part of the Alliance, he had better get used to hearing the name 'Susan' being spoken frequently again.  
  
But he wasn't ready to say the name aloud. Not yet anyway. He wasn't quite sure how he would get around using her name, but he would find a way. Maybe he could just call her 'Doc'. Yea, that might work. At least it would buy him some time anyway.  
  
  
End part 2 


	3. 

  
When Susan awoke, she stretched and said, "What time is it?"  
  
"It's 10:30. Feeling better?"  
  
"Oh much better. That cat nap sure hit the spot. I feel ready to take on the world," she chuckled.  
  
"Well, how about we get you something to eat first?" Marcus smiled at her.  
  
Susan ran her hand through her hair and rubbed the sleep from her eyes. "That sounds good. Then do I get my tour of the station?" she said smiling slightly.  
  
"Absolutely. Wherever you want to go."  
  
She got up off the couch and rummaged through her bag. "Just let me run a brush through this hair and I'll be all set."  
  
"Take your time," he replied.  
  
A few minutes later Susan emerged from the bathroom and said, "I'm ready. Where are we off to first?"  
  
Walking out of his quarters Marcus said, "I thought you might like to eat at the Eclipse Cafe. The food isn't fancy, but you can get just about anything."  
  
"Sounds good to me. I've been dying to try Minbari Flarn."  
=  
After arriving at the Eclipse Cafe and placing their orders, Marcus decided to make an attempt to get to know Susan better. After all, they were going to be spending quite a lot of time together and the better he knew her, the better he would be able to protect her.  
  
"So why don't you tell me a little about yourself," Marcus began.  
  
"You want the whole background or just the highlights?" Susan said as she smiled.  
  
"Whatever you want to tell me."  
  
"Well, I studied at the Institute Pasteur, Paris and at Harvard University."  
  
Marcus was very impressed. "Those are very prestigious universities. What did you major in?"  
  
"My major was xeno-biology with a minor in bio-chemistry."  
  
"That must've been very hard. Those are both demanding subjects."  
  
Susan laughed softly. "Yes, well ... for those 8 years I didn't really have much of a life. Which is okay because it's something I'm good at and it got me to where I am today. I enjoy what I do," she paused and then continued on. "But it does have it's drawbacks. Because of my age, not many people want to see my findings, or hear my theories." Sadly she added, "Even having two of my papers published didn't matter to the medical community. I've had to fight for everything."  
  
Marcus was in awe. "You've been published? Twice? If you don't mind me asking, how old are you?"  
  
"I just turned 31 last August. And don't make a big deal of it, but yes, I've been published twice. Once in The Journal of Xeno Medicine of Cambridge, Earth and once in the EMA Journal," she said, slightly embarrassed.  
  
"That's very impressive. No wonder Delenn and President Sheridan want you to join the Alliance."  
  
"I told them they would have my answer by the end of the week. That's why I came here. I wanted to see what I was getting myself into."  
  
"A very wise decision," Marcus chuckled.  
  
Susan smiled as she lifted a glass to her lips. "So now it's your turn. Tell me about yourself Marcus."  
  
Marcus knew that this would be coming. After all, it was only fair. He decided to stick to the present and not bring up 'his' Susan or the surrounding events.  
  
"Well, as you know, I'm a Ranger and I've only been back on the station for 2 days. I've been away on a mission to the Drazi homeworld."  
  
"You've just come back from Zhabar?" Susan's interest was piqued.  
  
Marcus nodded. "Yes. We found out that the Drazi have been supplying the Raiders with certain ... technology ... that the Drazi picked up from the ..."  
  
Susan interrupted, "Drakh."  
  
"How did you know?"  
  
She leaned in closer to Marcus and whispered, "I bet you also found control pods?"  
  
Marcus nodded.  
  
"I know because I'm the one who told Delenn where she should look. She's one of the few people that actually do take my findings seriously. But anyway, I didn't mean to interrupt. Tell me more, how did you decide to become a Ranger?"  
  
Marcus wasn't expecting that question. He wasn't sure if he was ready to reveal to a complete stranger one of his most intimate memories, but he wasn't about to lie. So he decided to keep it short and to the point. "My brother William was a Ranger. He died on Arisia and I promised him that I would pick up where he left off."  
  
Susan shook her head. "I'm so sorry Marcus. I shouldn't have asked."  
  
Slightly touching her arm he said, "It's alright. It really is." Marcus paused to take a sip of tea. "Do you have any siblings?"  
  
Nodding Susan said, "I have a younger sister. She and my mom live on the Tranquility colony on the moon."  
  
"And you're considering living on Babylon 5? That's pretty far for them to travel to see you."  
  
"Believe me, they're not coming to see me anytime soon."  
  
Marcus wasn't sure if he should push the subject, but felt that if he could help her with something he should try. But before he could begin, Susan interrupted him.  
  
She looked down at her hands. "I haven't spoken to my family in years. It's easier that way."  
  
"Now it's my turn to apologize to you. I'm sorry. I didn't mean to make you uncomfortable."  
  
She softly looked up at him; "It's okay. It's something I learned to live with a long time ago. You didn't do anything wrong. There's nothing to apologize for."  
=  
After they had finished eating, Marcus decided the best way to show her around the station was to start with one of the com center maps, describe the less undesirable areas, and then hope that she didn't want to see them in person.  
  
"To begin with," Marcus started, "there are 5 'color' sections of the station: blue, red, green, grey and brown. Blue sector is where the folks we call the 'political officials' stay."  
  
Susan laughed.  
  
Marcus smiled at her. "It's where the Captain of Babylon 5 has her quarters, the second in command, etc. Even yours truly has his quarters there. Red is the business sector. It's where the Zocalo and the restaurants are. Green sector is where the Ambassadors stay. Grey sector is mainly the industrial area. And brown sector is, well, if you'll excuse my wording - slums and brothels."  
  
"No wonder the President didn't want me staying there!"  
  
Marcus smiled as he continued on. "There are 6 MedLabs. Two each in Blue, Green and Red sectors. The hydroponic gardens are here and here," he said pointing to the map. "And of course the Observation Dome, or what we call C and C is right here near the docking and cobra bays."  
  
"C and C?" Susan asked.  
  
"Command and Control."  
  
Susan nodded. "Ah. Got it."  
  
Turning to her he said, "So where would you like to begin your tour?"  
  
"I'm torn between two places: MedLab and DownBelow."  
  
Marcus was surprised when she said DownBelow. "Those are two completely different areas. Why do you want to see DownBelow?"  
  
"Well, if I understand correctly, that is where your version of the homeless are."  
  
"Yes, you are correct. But why would you want to go there?"  
  
"Because those are the people who need help the most. That's why I became a doctor. I want to help people. I want to cure disease and make their lives a little better," Susan said with passion.  
  
Her simple statement had touched Marcus' heart. Something he thought no other person would ever be able to do again. "Then that is where our tour will begin."  
  
As they headed towards the transport tube Marcus said, "The only thing I ask is that you stay near me. Most of the station's crime occurs down there."  
=  
After stepping off the lift, Susan felt as if she walked into a completely different world. People were lying against the wall, huddled together for warmth. The distinct stench in the air was the unmistakable smell of poverty.  
  
She turned to Marcus. "These poor people. Can't anyone do anything to help them?"  
  
Marcus looked at her sadly as they continued walking. "Most of these people came to the station looking for new jobs and new lives. But when they ran out of money and couldn't find work, they ended up down here. Doing menial jobs for next to nothing; most of them getting into trouble with security for illegal activities."  
  
Susan frowned. "There's got to be something we can do to help them. Get some kind of 'hand up' program going or, at the very least, get them some medical care."  
  
"Well Stephen has a free clinic here. Unfortunately he can only operate it 2 or 3 days a week because of expenses."  
  
"That's a start at least. But they need decent meals and the children need to attend school or they'll never break this cycle of poverty." Susan stopped and kneeled down next to a child that was no more than 3 years old.   
  
Marcus was touched by the kindness Susan showed. He had no doubt that if this talented woman wanted to help people and change their lives for the better, she would. He thought that there should be more people like her in the world. Funny that. Marcus had only met her for the first time today and yet he felt as if he'd know her his whole life. He was starting to feel comfortable around her.  
  
"Let's keep moving," he said to her as he extended his hand to her.  
  
She looked up at him, their eyes briefly meeting. Briefly understanding. She took his hand and allowed him to help her up. Slowly they started walking again towards the market area.  
  
"It starts to get crowded around here. Just stick close to me," Marcus said as he forged on ahead through the crowd.  
  
They had walked for another minute or so when something in Susan's peripheral vision made her stop. She looked to her left and saw a child laying motionless on the floor down an adjacent corridor. Her instincts kicked as she moved towards the child, stopping suddenly realizing that she should tell Marcus where she was going. Although she had taken her eyes off of Marcus for one brief moment, she had already lost him in the rush of the crowd.  
  
Pushing through people, Susan made her way over to the child. As soon as she crouched down and touched the child, the little girls eyes flew open; she sat up and ran away from Susan. "Wait!" Susan shouted. "I only want to help you!" But the girl had disappeared.  
  
Dejectedly, Susan stood up and turned around, wanting to find Marcus. Instead she found 4 rather large looking men holding lead pipes, heading towards her.   
  
  
END PT 3 


	4. 

One of the men shouted, "Good job luring her in Jessie. We'll take it from here."  
  
The little girl came out from her hiding spot and ran as fast as she could down the corridor.  
  
Susan was becoming very nervous. She was berating herself for losing sight of Marcus. But she was angrier at herself for getting into this mess.  
  
"Damn," she muttered under her breath. "What do you want?"  
  
The four men moved closer to her and started slapping the pipes against their hands. "We want you and your money."  
  
"I don't have any money! I don't have a credit chit yet," Susan stammered.  
  
"Oh come on now. Someone who looks as pretty as you doesn't have a credit chit? Come on sweetie, tell us another one," the fat, ugly one said.  
  
"We'll just have to take it out some other way then," another one said as he licked his lips and winked at Susan.  
  
Susan shuddered. *Now would be a really, really good time for Marcus to find me. Oh please God, let him find me,* she silently prayed.  
  
They moved in closer to her, but she kept backing away from them.   
  
Suddenly one of them made a move towards her. "MARCUS!" she screamed.  
  
She heard one of the men say, "Shut up bitch" as they smacked her. The force was so great that she fell to the ground, hitting her forehead in the process. She put her hand to her head and groaned. When she looked down at her hand it had blood on it.  
  
She heard a voice coming from the front of the corridor and instantly recognized it as Marcus.  
  
*Thank you! Oh thank you God!* Susan thought to herself.  
  
"Why don't you pick on somebody your own size? Oh, that's right. There isn't anyone as fat and as ugly as you lot are," Marcus said as he extended his pike. He didn't wait for any reply as he took the advantage and landed the first blow.  
  
When Susan saw the other three men rush towards Marcus, she slid over and propped herself up against the wall out of harms way.  
  
The fight lasted all of one minute as Marcus quickly and easily rendered them senseless.  
  
Quickly he rushed over to Susan, his concern rising. Crouching down in front of her, he cupped her chin and carefully brought her face around towards his. "Are you okay?" Marcus brushed a bit of hair out of her face so he could get a better look at her injury.   
  
She tried to smile. "Yea. Yea, I'm okay."  
  
Not believing her Marcus said, "We'd better get you to MedLab."  
  
"I'm a Doctor, Marcus! Really, I'm fine," she said.  
  
He took out a handkerchief and placed it on her forehead to stop the bleeding. "Which is why you have blood running down the side of your face."  
  
"Head wounds always bleed a lot. It's just a superficial cut. I won't even need stitches."  
  
"You're going to MedLab. Are you walking or am I carrying you?"  
  
"I can walk. Just help me up please."   
  
Marcus helped her to stand and began leading her towards MedLab.   
  
Once they were in the lift Susan said softly, "Marcus ... thank you. You saved my life."  
  
"You're welcome. I'm just glad I found you in time. You shouldn't have gone off on your own though."  
  
"I know, I know. Feel free to yell at me later, okay?"  
  
Marcus smiled at her.  
=  
*Not exactly the way I wanted to meet Dr. Franklin,* Susan groaned to herself.  
  
"Stephen," Marcus called out. "I have a patient for you."  
  
Stephen put down his work when he saw Marcus with a young woman with blood on her face. He waved for them to go into the first room. "Well, who do we have here?"  
  
"Dr. Franklin I'd like you to meet Dr. Barry," Marcus said. "Dr. Barry, this is the prestigious Dr. Stephen Franklin."  
  
"It's an honor to meet you Dr. Franklin," Susan said. "I've been following your work closely."  
  
Stephen took some gauze and gently placed it on her forehead to stop the bleeding. "Well now, a fan of mine, huh? In that case, please call me Stephen," he said proudly. "But your name sounds familiar. I just can't place it." Snapping his fingers he pointed at her. "Would you be the Dr. Barry that had the article in the The Journal of Xeno Medicine about the Pak'ma'ra immune system?"  
  
"Yes, that's me. You mean you actually read it?" Susan was in shock that he actually heard of her.   
  
"Absolutely. Fine work if I may say," he said to her.  
  
"Thank you."  
  
"Now tell me, how did this happen?" Stephen asked, pointing to her head.  
  
Before Marcus could recount the story Susan said, "It's all my fault. I insisted that Marcus show me Downbelow."  
  
Marcus chimed in, "Is she going to be alright Stephen?"  
  
He turned to Marcus and nodded. "She'll be fine. Head wounds always bleed alot. It's just a superficial cut. She doesn't even need stitches."   
  
Susan looked at Marcus and gave him a sort of 'I told you so!' type smile.  
  
Stephen continued, "She may have a little headache later on tonight. But that's about it. You're free to go."  
  
Susan hopped off the exam table. "Thanks for patching me up Stephen."  
  
"You're welcome. Say, how would you like a tour of MedLab?" Stephen asked.  
  
"Are you kidding? I'd love one. You really don't mind?" Susan said, totally surprised.   
  
"Not at all. I'd be honored Dr. Barry," Stephen said.  
  
"Please, call me Susan."  
  
For one brief second, Stephen's stomach sank, remembering briefly Susan Ivanova and how much he missed her. He and Marcus locked eyes for a moment.  
  
Returning his gaze to her Stephen said, "I'll see you tomorrow then Susan."  
  
As she turned to leave MedLab, she grabbed hold of Marcus' arm to steady herself and swore that she felt him flinch ......  
=  
After they arrived back at Marcus' quarters, Susan found herself sitting on the couch again.  
  
"Well, go ahead," she said.  
  
"Go ahead and what?" Marcus said from the kitchen.  
  
"You're dying to do it. So just go ahead and yell at me. Just get it over with."  
  
Marcus smiled. He couldn't yell at her; she was only trying to help someone. He walked over to Susan and handed her a cup of tea.  
  
Sitting down next to her he said, "I'm not going to yell at you. But I do think that we need to talk about your security."  
  
She nodded in agreement.   
  
"I don't mean to bring up any unpleasant memories," Marcus began, "but Delenn had mentioned that you think you might be a target for a pro-Clark movement."  
  
Susan stared at the cup in her hand. "Even though Clark is dead, he still has many supporters." She took a sip of tea and then continued. "At the time, I was working in the Center for Disease Control in Geneva and was privy to a lot of sensitive information."  
  
"What kind of information?" Marcus asked.  
  
"Let's just say certain ... experiments ... that Clark was having some of the scientists do. All of this, mind you, was in secret - the public had no idea what was going on. Hell, most of the medical community didn't have a clue. One day I stumbled across these files and I was horrified. It had a lot to do with cloning and genetic experimentation. And I know for a fact that the Psi-Corps was involved. To what degree, I'm not really sure."  
  
Marcus just listened patiently waiting for Susan to continue.  
  
Susan put the cup down before continuing. "I tried to get them to stop. I tried to leak the information to ISN, hoping that the public would be outraged and demand a stop to the experiments. But as we now know, EarthGov was censoring ISN. Once they knew that I had found out about their experiments, they wanted me to join the team. They said that if I refused, they would have me killed."  
  
"Dear God," Marcus said.  
  
Susan just kept talking. "So I packed up all my findings, whatever clothes and books I could carry and escaped on a transport that night for Mars. I met up with the head of the Mars resistance, and they protected me until it looked like Mars was going to fall. I was on Mars for 2 years before I had to leave again."  
  
"I still don't understand why you are worried about a pro-Clark movement?"  
  
"You know about the plague that is engulfing the Earth?"  
  
Marcus nodded. "Yes."  
  
"I've been studying nothing but the Shadows and the Drakh for the last 3 years; their ships, their homeworld, their molecular structure." She turned to look at Marcus, "and I believe that I may have found the cure for the plague."  
  
"You're serious?"  
  
"I said MAY have found a cure. I need a place where I can work to test my theories. Some place secure. Where I can work without being afraid. The people loyal to Clark, and believe me there are quite a few, would love to see me dead. To see the cure die with me and to see the Earth suffer. I've backed up all my work, and secured my findings with sophisticated passwords and firewalls just in case something should happen to me."   
  
"So why haven't you been spending all your time in MedLab?" Marcus asked.  
  
"Because we're not sure that Babylon 5 is entirely secure. I need to be sure that no one knows that I'm here. Then I can begin to test my theories," Susan replied. "President Sheridan is doing extensive background checks on everyone associated with MedLab, since that's where I'll be spending most of my time."  
  
"That's a lot to have on your shoulders," Marcus said to her.  
  
"What has me worried though is, what if I get into a situation like earlier today in DownBelow and you're not around. I've never fired a PPG; I have no martial art skills. I don't know if I could defend myself," Susan said.  
  
Marcus shifted on the couch so that he was looking directly at her. "I've done some thinking about that too and I have an idea. How would you like me to teach you how to defend yourself?"  
  
Susan was touched. "You would do that for me?"   
  
He nodded, "Absolutely, we could work out a little every morning."  
  
She softly smiled at him. "I'd like that. Thank you." *That is so sweet of him,* Susan thought to herself. She could feel herself beginning to be comfortable around Marcus. And she liked that feeling a lot.  
=  
Later that night, around 21:00  
  
Susan sat at the kitchen table with her notepad and 3 thick hard covered text books. She had thought of another possibility for a cure and wanted to get her theory and formula down on paper before it escaped her.  
  
Marcus walked out of the bedroom and over to her. He observed her for a moment before he spoke. All three books were spread out across the table and she was writing like a mad woman, her hair glistening in the light. *Glistening in the light? Oh no, no, no! You have to stop this right now. Remember Ivanova? Remember how painful that was? Never again,* he said to himself. Clearing his throat he said, "I don't mean to interrupt ... "  
  
Susan looked up from her notepad and smiled at him. "You're not interrupting. What's up?"  
  
"Delenn has called for an emergency meeting and I must attend. Zack has dispatched 2 security guards that will be stationed outside the door. I've also been instructed to give you this link," he said handing it to her. "If there's an emergency - if you're in danger - contact me immediately. Do you understand?"  
  
She took the link from him and firmly placed it on the top of her right hand. She nodded. "I understand. I'm sure I'll be alright."  
  
"I should be back by 23:00. Help yourself to anything you want."  
  
"Thanks Marcus. I think I'm just going to finish up here, take a quick shower and then get some sleep. It's been a long day," she said, wincing as she touched her forehead.  
  
"If your head starts bothering you, contact Stephen via the BabCom."   
  
Susan nodded. "I remember how to use it. Don't worry, I'll be fine. You'd better get going."  
  
"See you later," Marcus said as he walked out the door.  
=  
22:00  
  
Susan needed a break. She pushed herself back from the table and poured herself another cup of tea. Sitting on the couch she placed the cup on the table. *Boy, it sure is quiet around here,* she thought as she looked around Marcus' quarters.   
  
*I wish I could get out and take a walk. Can't do that though. I promised Marcus I'd stay here until he returned.* Susan stretched out on the couch.   
  
"You miss him," her conscience said.  
  
*I do NOT miss him. Well, alright, maybe a little. He's my bodyguard. I feel safer when he's around.*  
  
"Is he just a bodyguard to you?"  
  
*He can guard my body any day. Stop it! Where did that come from? Marcus is your friend!*  
  
"But you'd like him to be something more."  
  
Susan started examining her feelings toward Marcus. Just how DID she feel? She liked being around him, that was a given. He definitely had a kind heart and he made her laugh. And those muscles - oh boy! A woman would be lucky to have him.  
  
She took a sip of tea. All right, so maybe she did have a crush on Marcus Cole. A woman would have to be crazy not to. But so far, he hadn't shown any signs of returning it. Besides, didn't he have that photo of a beautiful woman on his coffee table when she first arrived? He said she was just a friend. Maybe she was just a friend; or maybe that was his way of telling her to mind her own business. Either way, there was nothing she could do about it right now.   
  
Sighing, Susan rose from the couch and headed back into the kitchen. She still had some more work to do before she could call it a night.  
=  
23:15  
  
Being careful not to make too much noise, Marcus enter his password and stepped into his quarters. Quietly walking over to the living room, he could see that Susan was asleep. She was sitting at the end of the couch with an opened book, the pink highlighter still in her hand.  
  
He took his cloak off and placed it on the chair. Walking over to Susan he slowly took the book and marker away from her. "Textbook of Biochemistry with Clinical Correlations. Better you than me Doc," he said as he placed them on the coffee table. Then he gently slipped his arm around her waist and under her legs and carried her into the bedroom, tenderly laying her on the bed. Marcus sat next to her watching her sleep. He could see the bruise that had formed on her forehead. Reaching out to her he traced the outline of the bruise, which in turn caused her to stir. Not wanting to disturb her any further, Marcus retreated into the living room.  
=  
03:30  
  
Marcus was sleeping on the couch when a piercing scream woke him. Quickly activating his pike, he went running into the bedroom.  
  
Susan was thrashing in the bed screaming, "LET ME GO!"  
  
Realizing that she wasn't in danger, Marcus deactivated his pike and put it down on the nightstand. He sat next to her on the bed and tried to wake her. He shook her gently. "Doctor come on, wake up. It's okay," he said in a smoothing tone.  
  
Her forehead had beads of sweat on it, and he could see that she was trembling. "No. I don't want to see anymore. Please let me go!"  
  
A little louder he said, "Hey now, come on, wake up."  
  
Suddenly Susan bolted upright in bed, breathing hard, her heart pounding in her chest. With tears streaming down her cheeks she said, "Oh God. Oh God."  
  
"It's okay, you're safe. You were just having a bad dream," he said, tenderly stroking her hair.  
  
Susan closed her eyes and took a few deep breaths. "I'm sorry Marcus."  
  
He pulled her into an embrace. "It's alright. It was just a bad dream. You're safe now."  
  
Susan nodded as she buried her face into his shoulder.   
  
"Do you want to tell me about the dream? It might help?" Marcus asked.  
  
A cold shiver ran up her spine. Pulling back from him she said, "Remember the experiments I told you about before? The ones that had to do with cloning and genetic experimentation?"  
  
Marcus nodded.  
  
"The experiments were being done on humans."  
  
"In Valen's name....," Marcus gasped in horror.  
  
"I feel the same way," she paused. "It makes me sick."  
  
Marcus felt so bad for her. She has probably seen horrific scenes that no one should be subject to. "You're safe and everything's going to be alright. Try to lay back down."  
  
"I can't go back to sleep, I can't." Susan shook her head.  
  
He wiped a stray tear away. "How about if I stay here with you?"   
  
"Would you? You don't mind?" she said.  
  
He brought her face up to meet his. "Not at all."   
  
Before she knew it, Marcus was in the bed and her head was resting on his chest; his strong arms around her. *Maybe there is hope. Maybe he does care about me,* Susan thought to herself before finally falling asleep.  
  
Marcus watched as Susan's breathing became regular. He was glad that she was able to get back to sleep. It felt so good to hold her in his arms. It felt good to be close to someone again. Looking down at her he thought to himself, *she is so beautiful.*  
  
He glanced at the picture of Ivanova he had placed on his dresser. He instantly felt as if he was betraying her; betraying the love he had for her. All his guilt returned and he began to wonder if he would ever be able to love again.  
=  
The next day, 09:00.  
  
They both agreed that after breakfast, they would head down to the gym for Susan's first self-defense course. Marcus was clearing the dishes while Susan was changing.  
  
She emerged wearing heather grey sweatpants and a matching sports bra. Her hair loosely pulled back into a ponytail, the remaining strands falling softly around the frame of her face.  
  
Putting down her gym bag she said, "Well, I think I'm ready to go." She turned to Marcus, "How about you?"  
  
"I just finished the dishes. I'll be ready in one minute. I have to get my gym bag," was his reply. As he walked past her, he noticed a scar on her upper left arm. He immediately wanted to ask her what had happened, but decided against it. He also wondered if it would be a problem when she trained.  
=  
After arriving at the gym, Marcus sat down across from her on the mats. "First off," he began, "criminals prefer easy targets. You stand a much better chance of preventing an attack if you make yourself difficult to prey upon. That means you must have an overall personal safety strategy in place before you need it." He added, "You're not going to become and expert right away, but at least we can get the fundamentals in place. With practice it will become easier."  
  
For about half an hour, Marcus went over a lot of principles. Then he began slowly and patiently to show her the basic moves.  
  
After 1 hour Marcus decided it was time to put everything she learned into practice. "You stand there," he began, "and I'm going to attack you from behind. I want you to try and defend yourself."  
  
She nodded in understanding.  
  
Marcus began by sneaking up behind her and putting his arm around her neck in a grip. Susan tried her best to escape, but was getting confused. Was she supposed to step on his toes or try to kick his leg out and throw him off balance? Or maybe she was supposed to jab him in the ribs? She wasn't sure. In her confusion she ended up tripping them both up. She felt herself falling and grabbed onto Marcus - to no avail. She ended up flat on her back....with Marcus on top of her.  
  
They were just a hairs breath away from each other. Both were breathing heavily. Susan could feel the hardness of his body against her.  
  
Tenderly, Marcus traced the outline of her soft, moist lips. Then he cupped her face and with a feather light brush of his lips, he kissed her.   
  
  
End Pt 4 


	5. Chapter 5

Susan ran her hand through his hair encouraging him to deepen the kiss. He accepted the invitation and did so. His hand had made it's way down her body and rested on her waist; his thumb making a circling motion on her exposed skin, which sent chills of desire coursing through her body.  
  
Then suddenly, without warning, he broke the kiss, which caused Susan to let out a small whimper.  
  
Marcus pulled away from her saying, "I'm sorry. I shouldn't have kissed you. I'm so sorry." Before she knew it, he was on his feet offering her a hand to help her up.  
  
She accepted his hand and started to say, "Marcus, ... " but was interrupted. She wanted to tell him that she wasn't sorry he kissed her and that they should talk about this. It was obvious to her that they both had feelings towards each other.  
  
"We have to get going. You have your tour of MedLab at 12:00. That gives us half an hour to shower and change. When you're finished, I'll meet you back here." Without letting Susan get a word in, he turned and headed for the men's shower.  
  
"What the hell was THAT all about?" Susan mumbled to herself.   
=  
The walk to MedLab was made in complete silence. Susan wanted to talk to Marcus about what happened, but it was obvious to her that he didn't want to discuss things right now. He had this heartbroken look on his face as if he had betrayed someone.   
  
*Is that it?* she thought to herself. *He has a girlfriend or a wife and now he feels guilty about kissing me. Oh Susan how could you be so stupid? Someone as wonderful as Marcus has to be taken. You are such an idiot!*  
  
Stephen met them as they walked into MedLab. He could tell immediately by the look on Marcus' face that he was troubled. He told Susan that Dr. Hobbs was going to take her through the first part of the tour and that he would be along shortly.   
  
"Marcus," Stephen said. With a wave of his hand he indicated that they should talk in his office.   
  
Marcus nodded and followed Stephen in, closing the door behind him.  
  
"Alright what's going on?" Stephen began.  
  
Marcus started pacing around the office. "Stephen, I am such a bloody fool. I can't believe I let it happen!"  
  
Stephen was confused. "Let what happen?"  
  
"We were working out together, she tripped, we both fell and ... I kissed her." Marcus put his hands over his face as if that would make it all go away.  
  
*Finally,* Stephen said to himself. He was happy for his friend; it was an indication that Marcus was starting to move on. After Ivanova died, Marcus buried all his feelings. Everyone was concerned that he wouldn't be able to recover from her death. But Marcus showing interest in someone else was definitely a step in the right direction.  
  
Stephen smiled. "Alright, so you kissed her. Was it any good?"  
  
Marcus stopped pacing. "That's not funny Stephen! I shouldn't have kissed her! I just met her - I'm supposed to be her bodyguard! I can't believe I did something as stupid as that!"   
  
Stephen walked over to Marcus. "It's not stupid Marcus. It's obvious that you have feelings for her; otherwise you wouldn't have kissed her. You're human, you're allowed to have feelings you know."  
  
"Maybe, but you have more in common with her than I do!" Marcus said.  
  
"Yes, but I'm not the one who's showing an interest in her. Besides, Tessa is coming back to the station. Tessa is the one I love," Stephen said. "Look," he said continuing on, "did she kiss you back? Was there any indication from her that she liked it?"  
  
Marcus nodded.   
  
"I think you should pursue this Marcus. You need to talk to her. Tell her about Ivanova. Explain to Susan what happened and that you want to go slow," Stephen said. "Tell Susan how you feel about her."  
  
"I don't know if I can Stephen. I haven't even been able to say her name. I can't say it without thinking of Ivanova," Marcus said sadly.  
  
"I know it's hard," Stephen said, putting his hand on Marcus' shoulder. "As your friend all I'm going to say is: Ivanova died without knowing how you felt about her. Don't make the same mistake again Marcus."  
  
Marcus nodded. "I'll try .... maybe tonight."  
  
Stephen was pleased. "Good. And don't forget, if you want to talk you know where to find me." Stephen continued, "Why don't you grab something to eat. Susan's probably going to be in MedLab for a few hours."  
  
"I can't. I'm the bodyguard remember? I have to stick around here," Marcus said.  
  
"Have to, or want to?" Stephen asked.  
  
Sheepishly Marcus said, "Maybe a little of both."  
  
Stephen nodded; he'd gotten the answer he had hoped for. Marcus was returning to the land of the living. "Why don't you just hang out here in my office. This way you're in MedLab in case anything happens, and you still have some space to deal with this situation."  
  
"It's a good idea. Thanks Stephen," Marcus said.  
  
Stephen turned and left Marcus alone with his thoughts.  
=  
They ended up leaving MedLab around 18:00. Stephen had been excited about some of Susan's theories. If she did join the Alliance, he would love for her to work in MedLab. She would be an asset to the team.  
  
Once again the walk back to Marcus' quarters was in silence. But this time, Susan was the one who didn't want to do any talking. She was angry. How could he do that to her? He kissed her knowing full well that he was involved with someone else! She silently shook her head. When was he going to get around to telling her that? Either way, she refused to let him see just how angry she was. She didn't want Marcus knowing that the kiss meant that much to her.  
  
Upon entering his quarters, Marcus saw that his BabCom was flashing "Incoming Message". He played the message as Susan said, "I'm going to go get changed," and headed for the bedroom.  
  
When she returned Marcus said, "I have another meeting tonight. Do you mind having dinner by yourself?"  
  
Susan shook her head no. "I still have some more research to do anyway," she said sitting down on the couch.  
  
"Zack is going to send 2 security officers and station them outside the door just like the other night. I have a feeling this meeting is going to run pretty late. I'll try not to disturb you when I come in," Marcus said.  
  
"Do you still want to go to the gym tomorrow morning?" she asked.  
  
"Yes. I noticed while we were working out, that your left side is your weaker side. I'd like to get you working with some weights to compensate for it," he said.  
  
She looked at him curiously. "How could you tell?"  
  
He moved over to the couch and sat down next to her. "Remember when I let you use my pike? When I was showing you how to grab anything within your reach and use it to fight back?"  
  
Susan nodded.  
  
"When you held the pike in your hand, your left side held it lower than your right." He added, "I had a feeling though beforehand when I saw this ....," he said, pointing to her scar.   
  
"Yea, well, we all have scars, mine are just on the outside," she said to him.  
  
"How did you get it?" he asked her.  
  
She shook her head. "It's not a very pleasant memory Marcus," she said looking up at him. But for some reason it seemed important to him that he know. "But I'll tell you about it - just to prove to myself that I'm over it."   
  
Susan sat back on the couch and gathered her legs up to her as she began. "I'm going to give you the short version though. It was about 5 years ago. My life seemed perfect at the time. I was engaged to a man that I loved with all my heart, I had a great job and great friends. I was out one night with a few of my friends when a drunk driver hit us. I'm afraid that I really don't remember much about the accident after that point. My next memory is of waking up in the hospital about 1 week later thinking that no time had gone by. What I do remember about the accident and the hours afterwards, were what my friends told me. According to them when I arrived at the hospital I was in grave condition. They immediately called a priest and administered the last rites to me. My next of kin, which was my fiancee, and all my friends were notified. They were told that I probably wouldn't make it through the night."   
  
She looked up at Marcus before continuing on. "But I did. I survived. As it ended up, I was in the hospital for 2 weeks and out of commission for 2 months. During that time in the hospital, all my friends came by and saw me. All except the one I needed to see the most ... my fiancee. He never even came by the hospital that fateful night to say goodbye to me. When I confronted him about it, all he said was that he couldn't handle it. It was too upsetting for him to see me like that."  
  
"Needless to say, I never married him. And to be honest, there's been no one since. Not that I haven't been asked out, but there's been no one who stirred any passion in me." She mentally added, *Until you kissed me that is.*   
  
Susan started to ask him why it was so important that he know, when the door chimed. But before Marcus could answer it Susan said, "Marcus, we need to talk."  
  
He nodded to her. "I know we do. We'll talk tomorrow, I promise."  
=  
21:45  
  
Susan slammed her book shut. How could she concentrate on the Mechanisms of Microbial Disease, when Marcus had kissed her earlier today?  
  
*Why doesn't he want to talk about it? I have to know! I have to know what's going on!* she said to herself.  
  
She got up from the couch and walked into the bedroom and picked up the picture of the beautiful woman with the long, brown hair.   
  
"I bet it has something to do with you," she said aloud. "But what? .... Who are you?" She studied the picture closely. She knew the woman was wearing an army of light uniform - not the usual Earthforce one. She also knew they were only give to a handful of people. Maybe Susan could reference the specifications through the computer? It was worth a shot.  
  
"Computer. Bring up the names of all people issued an army of light uniform." She turned to walk away, expecting the computer to have some results for her later on. But instead the computer replied, "Five matches found."  
  
"Display names," she said. Mumbling to herself, "Captain John Sheridan, Commander Susan Ivanova, Michael Garibaldi, Dr. Stephen Franklin and security chief Zack Allen." She couldn't believe her luck - only one woman in the bunch. "Computer display picture of Commander Susan Ivanova."  
  
Susan's suspicions were confirmed when the exact picture she was holding in her hand appeared on the screen.  
  
Continuing on she said, "Display all information on Commander Susan Ivanova." She carefully read every detail given to her. And then she got to the last line: Commander Susan Ivanova died from battle-related injuries on December 1, 2262.  
  
"Oh my God," she said aloud. "She's dead."  
  
END PART 5 


	6. Chapter 6

  
  
*She's only been dead about 6 months,* she said to herself.  
  
Susan quickly turned off the computer and placed the picture back on the dresser. Sitting back on the couch, she tried to absorb everything that she had just read. But she was still confused. Why would Marcus have a picture of Commander Ivanova on his dresser? Commander Ivanova's information mentioned nothing about her being married, or divorced. Maybe Marcus and Ivanova were lovers? Marcus said that she was just a close friend. How close a friend was the question.  
  
Susan sighed as she massaged her temples. She wanted to understand why Marcus had broken their kiss earlier today. But all she managed to find was more questions than answers. Maybe she would be better off if she just let Marcus explain everything to her tomorrow.   
  
All she wanted was the truth. Maybe the truth was that he regretted kissing her in the first place. Maybe he didn't want to be around her at all and he was coerced into being her bodyguard. Susan didn't think that was true, but needed to consider all possible scenarios.  
  
She wondered if somehow she reminded Marcus of Ivanova? She couldn't see how, though. Commander Ivanova was tall, blue eyes and long brown hair. Susan was considerably shorter with blonde hair and hazel eyes. And, if she was honest with herself, not nearly as pretty as the Commander was. The Commander had a military background and came from Russia. Susan was a scientist and was born in the USA. They had nothing in common. Nothing except for a first name.  
  
*Could that be it?* Susan said to herself. She had only been on the station 3 days and couldn't remember one time when Marcus had used her name. He always called her 'Doctor'. Delenn used her name ...... once. And, as Susan recalled, it was used with hesitation. Stephen had called her Susan.... once. After locking eyes with Marcus for a brief moment.   
  
*That has to be it* She berated herself for not realizing it sooner. *It's only been 6 months since their friend died; and then you come along joining their team and you have the same name. They can't say the name Susan without thinking of their friend.* But that was something she could live with. She was sure that given time, they would accept her as part of their team - and maybe even as their friend.  
  
It couldn't be the reason why Marcus broke their kiss. Was it? She would have to make sure that first thing in the morning, she and Marcus would have a talk....  
=  
"The time is 07:00 Earth Standard Time," the computer chimed.  
  
Susan rolled onto her back and lazily rubbed the sleep from her eyes. Her stomach growled and she realized it was in nervous anticipation of her talk with Marcus.  
  
Slowly rising from the bed she padded over to the bathroom and had a nice hot shower. After toweling off, she got dressed and headed for the kitchen.  
  
"Good morning," he said to her. "Sit down and I'll get you some breakfast. I hope you like pancakes."  
  
"Ohhh, I love pancakes," Susan replied.  
  
Marcus gave her a stack and cautiously sat down across the table from her. Hesitantly he began, "About what happened yesterday in the gym .... I just want you to know that I'm sorry. I shouldn't have kissed you."  
  
Susan put down her fork. "You're sorry you kissed me?" she repeated his statement.  
  
Marcus nodded yes. "I'm supposed to be guarding you and showing you around the station. You've only been here 3 days. I shouldn't have put you in a compromising position."  
  
Susan inhaled deeply. "Before we get into this any further, I want to know who is that picture of on your dresser."  
  
"Her name is Susan Ivanova and she was my friend. Unfortunately she died 6 months ago. Keeping her picture around makes me feel close to her," Marcus said sadly.  
  
"So she was nothing more than a friend?" Susan asked.  
  
Marcus hesitated slightly before answering her question. He looked at her and said, "We were nothing more than friends."  
  
Susan moved to the chair closer to Marcus. "I want to understand Marcus. Please help me understand," she said lightly touching his arm. "Why did you stop kissing me?" She paused, waiting for him to answer. When he didn't she added, "Was it really that bad?"  
  
He covered her hand with his as he shook his head no.  
  
"So if I did this," she said brushing up against him as she moved closer. "Or this," she gently cupped his face with her hand. She was only a breath away from him now. "Or this..." she lightly brushed her lips against his. That seemed to spark something in Marcus as he went after her with passion. He pulled Susan into his lap as one hand became entangled in her hair and the other one was firmly around her.  
  
But after a moment of heated passion, Marcus stopped. He grabbed Susan firmly by the shoulders and pushed her away. Panting and trying to calm down he said, "I can't. I have to stop."  
  
After she took a second to catch her breath Susan said, "What? Why?"  
  
Shaking his head Marcus said, "I have to. I-I-I can't do this!"  
  
"Marcus why?" She paused. "Don't you like me?" Her eyes were brimming with unshed tears.  
  
He looked her in the eye and replied, "Of course I do....I like you a lot."  
  
Susan stood up. "So what is it then?"  
  
When no answer was forthcoming, Susan said, "I can't do this. I have to go, I'm due in MedLab." She turned and quickly walked out of Marcus' quarters.  
  
He quickly jumped up and went after her. "Wait! I have to go with you!" he said, trying to catch up with her. But the doors to the lift had already closed before he had gotten to her.  
=  
Susan flew into MedLab and quickly began to work on some formulas at the computer station Dr. Franklin had generously set up for her.   
  
One minute later, Marcus came in. He walked over to her and said, "You know you're not allowed to go anywhere on this station without me accompanying you. You shouldn't have left so quickly."  
  
She didn't even bother to look up at him as she replied, "I had work to do."  
  
Marcus sighed. "I have some business I need to attend to. Promise me you won't leave MedLab until I return." When he received no answer he shook her, forcing her to look up at him. "Promise me!"  
  
"Yea, I promise. Now leave me alone," was her reply.  
  
He turned and walked out of MedLab. *How can I explain things to her? How can I tell her how much I really like her? But it's never going to work. So why even bother? You see, I loved another, but she's dead, and I don't think I'll ever get over it,* he said to himself.   
  
*Yeah great Cole! Go ahead! Everyone thinks you're so brave. I wonder what they'd say if they only realized that I'm such a coward that I appear to be making the same mistake yet again! Don't ever tell anyone that you care for them!*  
=  
After 3 hours of working through her formulas, theories and hypothesis, Susan needed a break. She got up, stretched and walked around MedLab; her mind drifting back to Commander Ivanova's picture. The computer said that she had died of battle-related injuries. Was it possible that she died here on the station?   
  
Renewed with energy, she raced back to her computer and said, "Computer, bring up all medical files of Commander Susan Ivanova. Cross reference files of Marcus Cole." She didn't know why she had said that. It was just a feeling that she had.  
  
After 10 minutes the computer came back with possible responses. "Download into my computer only," she said. Once again, she read every detail carefully. Commander Ivanova's back was broken and it looked like Delenn had ordered her sent back to Babylon 5 to 'be more comfortable'. Commander Ivanova was dying. Marcus had broke through all of Stephen's coded files and found out about the alien healing device. Susan continued to read all about how Marcus Cole had stolen a shuttle and raced back to the station in order to save her. Only to find out that she had died before he could hook them both into the machine.  
  
*He loved her so much that he was willing to transfer all his lifeforce into her,* Susan said to herself. *He was willing to die for her. How can I compete with his memories of a dead woman? Now I understand. He's trying to bury himself along with her.*  
  
Susan turned off her computer and was left alone with her thoughts. *No wonder he can't say my name. It only reminds him of her. I can't be stationed here on Babylon 5; I'd only be a constant reminder to him. That wouldn't be fair to Marcus. He deserves some time. Hopefully he'll discover what he really wants.*  
  
"But I don't want to pass up a job with the Alliance; that would be plain stupid," she said talking to herself.   
  
She had an idea. "Well, lets give it a shot. No time like the present," she said, walking over to the BabCom and contacted Delenn.  
  
When Delenn appeared on the screen Susan said, "I hope I'm not interrupting you."  
  
Delenn smiled. "No. Not at all. What can I do for you Doctor?"  
  
Summoning all her courage Susan replied, "I've come to a decision."  
=  
Meanwhile, Marcus was on his way back to MedLab. He had just rounded the corner and wanted to enter MedLab when he heard Susan's voice. It was obvious she was talking to someone and he wanted to find out who it was, even though he knew that he shouldn't invade her privacy like this. After all everyone was entitled to have private conversations. As her bodyguard he should observe a professional distance, but he had grown too attached to her in this short while. He had started to care for her.  
  
He decided to ignore his conscience, telling him not to eavesdrop and although he felt guilty for doing so, his need to know overwhelmed him. Delenn's voice answered Susan and he knew she had made her decision. Marcus hoped that, in spite of everything that had happened between them, she had decided to stay and to work with the Alliance. Marcus quietly backed away into a dark corner so she couldn't see him. Holding his breath, he hoped that she wouldn't discover him in the dark.   
=  
"You're 3 days early. I hope that means it is good news," Delenn said.  
  
Susan couldn't smile. "I've decided to accept your offer to join the Alliance, but it comes with a condition."  
  
"Please continue Doctor," Delenn said, her curiosity piqued.  
  
"I will join the Alliance on the condition that I am not stationed on Babylon 5," Susan said.  
  
From his hiding place the color drained from Marcus' face as he thought, *Dear Valen, she's leaving.* His heart sank as he listened to the conversation between Delenn and Susan.  
  
"May I ask why you do not wish to be stationed on Babylon 5?" Delenn asked.  
  
Susan couldn't tell her the whole truth. She couldn't just blurt out that she was in love with Marcus Cole and that he just couldn't stand the site of her. So she told Delenn, "All I can say is that it's due to personal reasons." Which it was.   
  
Marcus leaned up against the wall and solemnly shook his head. This is all his fault. *She's leaving because of me. Because I can't tell her how I really feel.*  
  
Delenn said, "It's not a problem Doctor. We can make arrangements for you to conduct your research on Minbar. Would that be acceptable?"  
  
Susan smiled. "Yes. Very much so. Thank you."  
  
"You are welcome," Delenn replied.  
  
"When would I be able to leave for Minbar?" Susan asked.  
  
"I can make arrangements for you to be on the first transport to Minbar tomorrow," Delenn said.  
  
"Thank you," Susan replied.  
  
"I would like to meet with you first before you leave. Would you be able to stop by my quarters around 13:00?" Delenn asked.  
  
Susan nodded yes. "I'll be there."  
  
"I will see you then. We have much to discuss," Delenn said, ending the connection.   
  
Susan sighed and ran a hand through her hair. Casually she took a few steps towards the corner of the room and folded her hands across her chest. Angrily she said, "You can come out now Marcus. I know you're there. Show yourself!"  
  
End Pt 6  



	7. Chapter 7

"You know it's impolite to eavesdrop on other people's private conversations!" she angrily said to Marcus as he stepped out into the light. "What were you going to do if I didn't realize you were there? Just saunter on in acting as if nothing happened? As if you heard nothing?"  
  
He was just as enraged as she was. "How could you leave? How could you tell Delenn that you accept the job with the Alliance and then add a condition?"  
  
"How could I leave? Marcus how could I stay? I can't compete with someone who's dead!" she yelled at him.  
  
Marcus reeled back at her comment as if she'd slapped him.   
  
Susan felt bad for putting it quite so bluntly and obviously hurting his feelings. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to say it like that," she said in a lower tone.  
  
Quietly he said, "You know."  
  
Susan nodded yes. "I accessed the MedLab database. I know all about Commander Susan Ivanova and how you tried to save her."  
  
"You shouldn't have done that," Marcus said, anger rising in him once again.  
  
"Why not? YOU obviously weren't going to tell me. Now I know what happened," Susan said.  
  
Pointing a finger at Susan he shouted, "YOU know nothing!" Marcus took in a deep breath before continuing. "You had no right snooping around and getting that information!"  
  
"I had every right to know! It's pretty obvious that you weren't going to tell me the truth!" Reigning in her anger she added, "And that's all I ever wanted from you."  
  
She walked away from Marcus but turned back to look at him and softly said, "You loved her, didn't you?"   
  
His back was still towards her when he lowered his head. He never saw the tear that rolled down her cheek as she said, "I thought so" as she left MedLab.  
  
He turned around as he said, "Wait." But it was too late. Susan was gone. *Nice going Cole. You've managed to mess things up once again. Another woman you care about is gone. All because you're a bloody fool. Face it Cole - your afraid. Afraid of loving and losing again.*  
=  
Susan stormed into Marcus' quarters and began packing. *24 hours and all this will be over with. You'll be far away from the station and hopefully Marcus will be completely out of your mind. You were stupid to believe that he'd ever have any feelings for you. You saw what you wanted to see,* she said to herself.   
  
Susan knew that Marcus would return soon and she didn't want to be here when he did. She would find somewhere else to stay even if it meant staying in brown sector. Walking over to the BabCom, Susan remembered that she had one more thing she needed to take care of; she needed another bodyguard for the next 24 hours. So she placed a call to Zack Allen and within minutes, it was taken care of. The new bodyguard would stand watch outside of Marcus' quarters until she needed to be escorted somewhere.  
  
She was in the bedroom when she heard the now familiar hiss of the door opening. Closing her eyes she said to herself, *Please don't let that be Marcus. Just give me a few more minutes and I'll be gone.*  
  
Marcus stood at the doorway to the bedroom watching Susan pack. He couldn't let her leave him. But he knew that there was only one way of preventing it: he had to tell her everything that happened. Marcus was dreading this moment; he didn't want to relive all those emotions again. But he would if it meant that Susan would stay.  
  
Susan had picked up a shirt and was about to stuff it in her bag when a hand reached out and stopped her. She knew who it was. "Don't worry Marcus, in a few minutes I'll be out of your room and your life and you won't have to see me ever again."  
  
Marcus grabbed her other hand and held them close to his chest. Softly he said, "Don't go."  
  
Susan looked up at him. He could see the confusion in her eyes, so he said again. "Please don't go."  
  
"Why are you making this so hard for me? I don't WANT to go Marcus; I HAVE to. You've given me no other choice," she said, pulling her hands away from him. She walked away from him and into the living room.  
  
He followed her. Marcus wasn't about to give up so easily. He realized that he was in love with this amazing woman and he couldn't let her go. He was determined to get her to stay.  
  
"Then let me give you a reason to stay," he said, walking over to her. He gently put his hands on her shoulders and turned her around to face him. Marcus looked her in the eye and said, "I'm falling in love with you."  
  
Susan wanted to cry. Those were precisely the words she had been longing to hear. But now, she needed more. She needed to know exactly what happened between Commander Ivanova and Marcus. She needed to know exactly where she fit in his life.  
  
"Oh, Marcus," she started to say. "How can you be in love with me when you can't even say my name? You can't say the name Susan without thinking of Ivanova."  
  
"She will always be a part of my life. I will never forget her," Marcus said, as he took her hand and lead her over towards the couch.  
  
Sitting down, Susan rested her hand on Marcus' knee and he put his arm around the back of the couch. "I'm not saying you should ever forget her. But I can't compete with a ghost Marcus. I'll lose every time."  
  
Marcus nodded. He understood completely what Susan was saying. "Why don't you let me start from the beginning."  
  
END PT 7  



	8. Chapter 8

  
The Other Susan (Pt 8)  
By Capt. Ivanova  
  
  
Disclaimers: B5 is not mine. This storyline was inspired by events on the show. No copyright infringement of any kind is intended. This is just for fun. This story is not to be republished, retransmitted, etc. without express consent of the author. Which is ME!   
  
Warning: If you did not see the first 4 seasons of Babylon 5, then do NOT read this story. Please direct all feedback to Capt_Ivanova@yahoo.com  
  
  
  
Susan shifted on the couch as she said, "Alright Marcus, I'll hear you out. Just promise me that you'll tell me the truth."  
  
He grabbed her hand. "Absolutely." Damn, he knew this was going to be hard, and he had no idea where he should begin. So he just started talking about Ivanova. "The first time I saw Susan Ivanova, I instantly fell in love with her. But it was more than just her beauty that attracted me. I think part of it was that she could be quirky or pessimistic at times, but she had a dry sense of humor that showed itself only in the rare moments she was able to relax among her friends."  
  
Marcus continued on. "She had already lost so much. Her mother, her brother and her father. I could relate to that; I could understand how she felt. All that pain, anguish and guilt. I tried to get close to her. I volunteered for every mission she was on. I wanted to make her life easier. I wanted to bring some joy into her life, even if it was for the briefest of moments." He paused before continuing on, "From the outside, most people thought she was an ice queen. She never let any of her feelings out and kept all her emotions inside. But I knew that there was still a flicker of hope that burned in her heart. She just needed the right person to come along and turn that flicker into a flame."  
  
Susan interrupted. "Did you ever tell her how you felt?"  
  
Marcus sighed and turned away from her. "Every time I expressed my feelings to Ivanova, I made sure that she didn't realize what I was talking about. I always hid it behind some convoluted story. I never came right out and told her. I was so afraid I'd lose her if she realized I was talking about her. And in the end what did it get me? I lost her anyway and she never knew."  
  
"So what happened to her?" Susan asked softly. She was totally absorbed in his story and almost without realizing she reached over to take his hand in support.  
  
Marcus briefly closed his eyes. He had placed all those memories surrounding Ivanova's death behind a wall; and now that wall was about to come crashing down. "This is so hard for me," he finally said.  
  
Susan moved closer to him. "I know it is Marcus. But you won't heal if you won't accept her death. I'm here for you. Let me help you."   
  
Marcus leaned back against the couch and held Susan's hand tighter as he began. "Sheridan had been captured by EarthGov and Susan was in command of the fleet. We were going to rendezvous with the rest of the fleet at sector 300 when we came across information that EarthGov was laying a trap for us. They were going to use their elite force - advanced model destroyers - who were loyal to Clark and wouldn't defect. Ivanova wouldn't let the forces get caught in an ambush, no matter what. So we decided the Whitestar fleet had a better chance than anyone else of winning."  
  
"I remember," Marcus said as a smile lit up his face, "that we had 5 hours until the rendezvous point. She was so tired. I don't think she had slept for over 20 hours. I joked with her that she could take 4 hours and 59 minutes of rest or have 4 hours and 59 minutes of me bothering her about it. And just to show her I was serious, I told her that 'Rangers never bluff'." Marcus laughed, "She fell for it. I let her sleep the whole four hours. Boy, was she angry when I finally woke her." He smiled wishfully at the memory.  
  
Susan smiled and let out a small chuckle also. She could absolutely see Marcus pulling a stunt like that.  
  
"I once told her that she was the most beautiful woman I've ever seen - in Minbari of course. I didn't have the courage to say it so that she would understand it. Who knew that Ivanova's Minbari would improve. She cornered me on it and told me she had figured out exactly what I had said. For a brief second I thought she was going to hit me. But then she said 'Thank You', and I think my heart skipped a beat. I realized that there might be hope for us." A slow tear fell softly down the side of his cheek.   
  
Marcus cleared his throat and continued on. "When we arrived at sector 300 we found that the advanced destroyers had been fitted with shadow technology." As an aside Marcus told Susan, "Remind me to tell you about her death incarnate speech one day." Continuing, Marcus said, "It was a fierce battle and we were outnumbered. We couldn't let any ship get away, for fear they might bring back reinforcements. We thought we had beaten them. I glanced down at my computer for a moment and when I looked back up, there was one huge piece of debris heading directly for us. There was no time to maneuver and the debris hit us head on."  
  
Susan could tell that this was taking it's toll on Marcus. His hand was shaking and his breathing had become erratic.   
  
But Marcus knew that he needed to get all this out into the open. If he didn't continue, Susan would never know exactly what happened between Ivanova and him. And it was important to him now that she know the whole story. "The next thing I remember was waking up on the floor of the Whitestar. I quickly looked around for Ivanova but saw nothing except wires, insulation and fallen beams. I called out her name and made my way over to the last place where I saw her standing. There was debris everywhere and the ship was falling apart. I found her trapped under a beam near the command chair. I quickly pulled her out and headed for the escape pod. We made it just in time. Once we were inside, I sat on the floor and cradled her in my arms. I knew she was dying. I didn't want her to think that I had left her so I just held her close to me and told her that I was there."  
  
"Once we got her back aboard a Whitestar, I tried to make her comfortable. I made her bed nice and flat - just the way she liked it. I felt so useless. Ivanova was dying and the only thing I could do was make her bed nice and flat. The doctors told us that she would have no more than one week to live. I cried as Sheridan told her that she wasn't going to make it. The woman I loved most in all the universe was dying and all I could do was hold her hand and cry," Marcus whispered as another silent tear slipped down his cheek.  
  
Susan reached up and caressed his cheek, gently wiping the tear away with her thumb.  
  
"Then the transport arrived to take her back to Babylon 5. I had to say goodbye to her. So I took her hand and willed her to hear what was in my heart. Then I put her hand down. I paused briefly before walking out of the room. I wanted so desperately to run back to her and shake her awake. To will her back to life. To beg her not to leave me...." Marcus' voiced trailed off. "The hardest thing I ever had to do was walk out of that room and leave her there knowing I'd have to live the rest of my life without her." His tears were flowing freely now. But Marcus continued on.  
  
"I couldn't stop thinking about her and it showed. If Babylon 5 was the 'final refuge' for last hope, there must be something they could do for her. Lennier told me not to get my hopes up. But I refused to believe there was nothing we could do. There had to have been some advancements for near fatal conditions. So I placed a call to Dr. Hobbs. Lennier told me that there was nothing 'usable' on Babylon 5. That piqued my interest and I left Lennier in command while I went into the back. I established a link with MedLab and did a search of all medical records pertaining to 'terminal illness', 'death' and 'extreme measures'. I hacked my way through Stephen's files until I came across an entry for the alien healing device. I played all entries and realized that I had hit the jackpot. This was the one thing that would save Ivanova."  
  
"So I sent Lennier out on a shuttle on the pretense that Delenn needed to speak to him. I didn't want him around to stop me. And I headed for Babylon 5. I knew what I was about to do and it felt right. I knew that the alien healing device was a form of capital punishment and would result in the death of whoever used it. I was willing to trade my life for hers. After all the heartache she had been through, she deserved a second chance. She deserved to know that someone cared about her so much that they were willing to die for her."  
  
"I broke into MedLab's storage and found the device. While hooking us both into it, I remembered Stephen's last entry: that in the case of fatal injuries, for one to live, another must die. And I loved her enough to die for her."  
  
"As the machine began to hum, I placed my hand on top of hers ... and that's when I knew. I knew she had died. Her skin was a pasty, death white and her hand had gone cold." He was openly crying now. "I was too late. I was too late," he repeated in between sobs. Susan tried to comfort him, but he rebuffed her and continued talking. "At first, I refused to believe it. I kept thinking that the machine would take all my lifeforce and give it to her and she would live and everything would be right in the universe again. I didn't care if I died, I just wanted her to live. I didn't want to go on without her."  
  
"Marcus..." Susan said as tears quietly slipped down her cheeks.  
  
"It was only 10 minutes later when Stephen found me in MedLab. I didn't want him to come anywhere near Ivanova and me. I was afraid that he would just confirm what I refused to see: I was too late, Susan was dead. I don't remember what Stephen was telling me; I'm not really sure that I even heard him - I was in denial. I remember him unhooking us from the device and me just begging him not to let her die."  
  
"For weeks, I would wake up screaming her name. Every time hoping against hope that it was all just a nightmare and that Ivanova was alive. I loved her and I didn't want to live without her. I started to feel alive again because of her and I was afraid that I'd never find that feeling again," Marcus said as he collapsed crying into Susan's arms.  
  
"Oh Marcus, I am so sorry," Susan said as she pulled him tighter to her. Gently she rocked him as her hand rubbed his back. "It's okay Marcus, let it all out."  
  
After a few minutes, Marcus pulled away from her and tried to compose himself. "Unlike Ivanova, I still haven't lost the capacity to trust. And I want you to know that I trust you."  
  
Susan put a finger to his lips and said, "Shhh...."  
  
But Marcus relented. "I have to tell you this now, or I'll never get the courage again." He looked Susan in the eye and said, "I'm falling in love with you. I'll admit that it'll take me time to get used to being with someone but I want to get used to it if you'll let me." He softly caressed her cheek, "Please don't leave the station. Stay here with me."  
  
END PT 8  
  



End file.
